They Need To Change…

spider web 


“They” Need To Change


  • Understand.

Understand that the hope I provide through counseling is a hope that comes through change.  The only way to mature and grow is through change.


However many times in working with clients there is this unspoken agenda. Often clients come with the notion that “if” someone else or something else would change then all would be well in the world.


  • If they…


If “they” would just do what I want or what I need then there wouldn’t be this problem or situation. “I don’t need to change but everyone and everything else needs to change”.


I have had clients that claim that their view no matter how wrong it was perceived was the right one and the whole world had to change to be in alignment with their own personal opinion.


  • Them…


The client for sure didn’t need to change. The client was just doing “them” a favor coming to therapy.


I am so sorry but that is not how it works or ever has worked.


  • The only person…

The only person that you can change is yourself.


That may mean accepting what is going on or proactively confronting the problem that you are having with others.


Please understand no matter what you do “they” are not going to change. Why because you are not them and you cannot make the change for them. In turn they cannot make the change for you.


  • You are the change…


You are the change that they need. You are the one to change to be who you need to be.



Frank Walker LMFT
Marriage and Family Therapist