Category Archives: Parenting

The key to a healthy whole life is the parents we had or wished we had. Active, involved and loving parents are the key to your family, nieghborhood, the city you live in and our country as a whole. Commit to being the best parent you can be.

Don’t Live in Your Inbox

don't live in your inbox

 

I know it can be addicting. The tweets, friends, posts, pins, texts, blogs, etc., etc. and whatever are calling your name.

But understand life does not take place in your inbox.

Life takes place in the living breathing world around you.

Put that device down. I mean it, put it down!

Stand up, stretch, look around and engage in the three dimensional world around you.

You live in that world not your inbox.

Problems?

Let’s talk.

Frank J. Walker LMFT

1617 Main Street

Cambria, Ca. 93428

fjwalker.walker@gmail.com

559-904-9028

 

Surviving the Holidays as a Blended Family

 

 

Christmas lightsSurviving the Holidays as a Blended Family

Many families are trying to deal with the Holidays as blended families. Peace on earth sometimes falls to the wayside when dealing with the needs and desires of more than one family. Here are some hints that might help with the distractions of blending two or more families during this time of joy.

1. Remember the season is about children and the child in you. Recall how you looked forward to the holidays as a child. Kids want and enjoy spending this time with both parents. Allow for that time. Create your own holiday traditions that your kids will look forward to and remember. Allow for and support the traditions of the other family too.

2. Communicate with your ex. Coordinate your schedule way in advance so there won’t be hassles. Make sure you don’t duplicate gifts and pool your finances on any big presents. Please don’t try to outdo your ex to gain your kid’s favor. Christmas is a season and doesn’t have to be on the day. Celebrate your time with the kids.

3. Stop the animosity, at least for the season. Declare a truce for the kid’s and your sake. It is what the season is all about. Don’t feel jealous if your kids have a good time with your ex. You want them to have fond memories of the holidays and they can have them with both families. They need to feel happy and loved in both of your homes. Don’t begrudge them that opportunity

4. Take care of yourself during the holidays. Get enough sleep, eat wisely and take time to rest. Step away from the stress that this time of year can bring.

5. You have a choice in this whole matter. You can choose to make this a time of fond memories and the joy of the season. Or you can choose to make the lives of your children miserable. Choose for the good despite any baggage you may be carrying toward your ex and your circumstances. Don’t be the Grinch that stole Christmas.

6. Remember who the season is all about.

Parenting and Family Rules 6


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More ideas for family rules.

 

Here are more areas to consider for formal family rules to consider if you haven’t.

 Homework:

Have a plan, a place and a time.

TV time:

How much when and where? You need to monitor the time the kids spend in front of the box.

Computer/Media use and time:

This is a big one that you need to consider and plan for. Keep your kids safe.

Dating:

This is a big issues I will discuss later. Plan ahead, know what your rules are far before the want to date.

Friendships:

Who, what, where are just a few things to consider. Friends make attitudes.

School activities:

How much, which activities and how they impact the family as a whole.

Being away from home:

What’s the plan for your kids being away? What happens in an emergency?

Cell phone use:

This is a big one have a plan. It’s an expensive issue financially and emotionally.

 

 

 

There can be many more rules.

The point is, there has to be rules and rules that everyone knows and acknowledges, even though, they may not like them.

 

Frank Walker LMFT

#79575

1617 Main Street

Cambria, Ca.

Questions? Contact me through this site or @

fjwalker.walker@gmail.com

559-904-9028

 

 

 

Make Time for What Really Counts This Holiday Season

Christmas lights...

 

Make Time for What Really Counts This Holiday Season

We all have a tendency to go overboard every Christmas season. No matter what we tell ourselves beforehand, we always tend to go one or two steps over the line in our holiday purchases. It is sad that the holiday buying season and the pressure to buy seems to have come even earlier this year.

The advertisements want us to believe that the gifts we give will somehow prove our love and devotion for family and friends. The problem is that we have generally bought into that same idea. In our minds it goes something like this, “The more stuff I buy for you the more you will know that I love you and care for you”.

  • Buying a person’s love and affection…

Please understand this, buying a person’s love and affection with “stuff” is so far from the truth in any healthy relationship. If your spouse, children, or friends are in this relationship with you just for the gifts you’re in real trouble and need to have some serious discussions with yourself and your loved ones. Yes, the kids will love the gifts on Christmas morning but those gifts don’t replace the love you provide by being there and caring for them.

  • Quality Time…

Quality time is the key to any relationship and it is the greatest gift any of us could give in this crazy world that demands so much from us. The holiday season is so much more than getting or giving.

Quality time means no agenda, no stuff “to do”,  just being with one another. Sitting still and having a genuine conversation with friends and relatives is the real stuff of the holidays. That might mean putting down the smart phones and looking into one another’s faces and really talking.

This time of year is meant to build memories. You can’t buy memories. You make those memories by investing yourself in intimate sharing and conversations.

  • Holiday Traditions…

Do you have holiday traditions? If you do have special family traditions continue them afresh this year. I know it’s a hassle every year but get out the decorations, put on the holiday music, get out the photo albums and rekindle the memories and make new ones.

If you don’t have traditions, start some. Make, and share a favorite recipe, read a favorite Christmas story together, carol through the neighborhood, watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” again for the umpteenth time or play some of those old fashioned board games. How about sharing the joy of the season by involving the family in some local charity drive that is providing for those in need of holiday cheer?

The important thing…

Make the festivities of the holidays the most important thing this holiday season. The gifts always should have been secondary, anyway, to your friendships. The stuff falls apart, has to be returned and most times is forgotten in time, however the shared moments will last forever.

This year maybe you really can’t afford the stuff, that’s ok. However, what you can’t afford to miss is the gift of time with your family this year. Make your investment in great memories this holiday season. The only real expense is the time you give.

  • Note to Husbands

*** Note of warning to husbands don’t use this article as an excuse for not getting her a present. A well thought out gift is still important. She doesn’t want the world and you can’t afford it anyway. She wants your attention.

  • It’s tough sometimes during the Holidays. If you want to talk give me a call, email me or write me at this blog.

Frank Walker LMFT

1617 Main Street

Cambria, Ca 93428

fjwalker.walker@gmail.com

559-904-9028

 

Parenting: Electronic Manners A Review

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Electronic manners

This is the complete list.

Technology is constantly changing and it is difficult to keep up with it as a parent. But establishing some basic rules in your life and the electronic life of your family is important to establish.

We now have all these gadgets that keep us moving along. E-mail, texting, Facebook, etc, etc.

It’s all about being in contact 24/7. But sometimes when we get an email or text we get confused and frustrated. We don’t understand why the text was sent or what the senders are even trying to say.

Miscommunication happens all the time. Have you ever sent a text and out it went and oops, “I didn’t mean that”?  But it’s gone out to the world. So much of our intent is lost with our gadget messaging.

So here are some ideas for manners on our devices. These are great ideas that you should take to heart before during and after you text, email, pin or whatever you do on your devices.

 

 

  1. Wait 24 hours

I know, I know you want to send something right back and fast. But try this, wait a day to think through your response.

This is especially important if there is a relationship involved.  Wait think things through make sure you won’t regret your words the next day.

Remember texts and emails have a life of their own. They could come back to haunt you.

 

  1. Try not to respond in anger.

If you are mad or angered don’t blow up on-line. Online is not the best way to respond when feelings are involved.

The best thing you can do if there is a relationship problem is to get some face to face time. Why? Because you can really see what a person is trying to say in person. There is no guessing or interpreting involved.

The next best thing is to talk on the phone. But face to face is the best way to deal with emotional stuff, really.

  1. Make time for real conversation.

Sorry but life is all about human contact. Texting is quick and easy but it will never be the same as that good old being in the same room and talking kind of thing.

It’s easy to ignore people or brush them off on-line.

You don’t want that to happen to you so don’t do it to others. It’s that golden rule stuff.

   4. Put your name on everything.

Don’t hide behind some anonymous screen name. Be up-front about who really you are.

All this media stuff is about communication so be honest about who you are and what you really want to say.

Your name gives your media communication integrity and opens doors to further talk.

  1. Take the time.

Yes, all these devices make things fast and easy.

But they really can’t replace the eye ball to eye ball stuff we need to have to really communicate.

These gadgets are a tool to use for good. Make sure that your manners on-line are as good as you can be.

Adapted from Tracey Bianchi, Christ Church of Oak Brooks, Ill.

 

Questions?

Contact me through this site or @

 Frank Walker LMFT

#79757

1617 Main Street

Cambria, Ca. 93428

fjwalker.walker@gmail.com

 

 

Parenting and Family Rules 5

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Rules! Rules! Rules!

I am sorry but we have to have rules. There is no way around it.

What are the rules in your household? Does everyone know what they are or do you just make them up as you go along? Here are some family rules that you should consider for your house and some of the reasons why.

 

  1. Mealtime Manners:

We have lost the civilized way of eating together and table manners.

Every once in a while put a knife, fork, spoon and napkin at each place setting and practice good table manners.

Parents need to model and practice polite table manners and conversations.

Put dinner on plates and try not to eat out of the box or bag.

Have “dinner time” be ground zero for family time and sharing. Take time at dinner to find out what’s going on in everyone’s lives. Mom and dad should share about their day too. Keep the family accountable to one another by sharing your day. The joys, hassles and questions of the day should be part of a polite dinner time conversation.

It has been proven that a family eating dinner together is the one thing a family can do to improve their kid’s grades. Why? Because the kids are accountable to the family for their daily activities they can discuss any issues while eating together at the dinner table.

Frank Walker LMFT

#79575

Cambria, Ca.

Questions? Contact me through this site or @

  1. walker@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

Parenting: Electronic Manners Part 5

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Electronic manners

We now have all these gadgets that keep us moving along. E-mail, texting, Facebook, etc, etc.

It’s all about being in contact 24/7. But sometimes when we get an email or text we get confused and frustrated. We don’t understand why the text was sent or what the senders are even trying to say.

Miscommunication happens all the time. Have you ever sent a text and out it went and oops, “I didn’t mean that”?  But it’s gone out to the world. So much of our intent is lost with our gadget messaging.

So here are some ideas for manners on our devices. These are great ideas that you should take to heart before during and after you text, email, pin or whatever you do on your devices.

 

 

5. Take the time.

Yes, all these devices make things fast and easy.

But they really can’t replace the eye ball to eye ball stuff we need to have to really communicate.

These gadgets are a tool to use for good. Make sure that your manners on-line are as good as you can be.

Adapted from Tracey Bianchi, Christ Church of Oak Brooks, Ill.

 

 

Questions?

Contact me through this site or @

 

Frank Walker LMFT

#79757

1617 Main Street

Cambria, Ca. 93428

fjwalker.walker@gmail.com

 

Parenting: Electronic Manners Part 4

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Electronic manners

We now have all these gadgets that keep us moving along. E-mail, texting, Facebook, etc, etc.

It’s all about being in contact 24/7. But sometimes when we get an email or text we get confused and frustrated. We don’t understand why the text was sent or what the senders are even trying to say.

Miscommunication happens all the time. Have you ever sent a text and out it went and oops, “I didn’t mean that”?  But it’s gone out to the world. So much of our intent is lost with our gadget messaging.

So here are some ideas for manners on our devices. These are great ideas that you should take to heart before during and after you text, email, pin or whatever you do on your devices.

 

4. Put your name on everything.

Don’t hide behind some anonymous screen name. Be up-front about who really you are.

All this media stuff is about communication so be honest about who you are and what you really want to say.

Your name gives your media communication integrity and opens doors to further talk.

 

Adapted from Tracey Bianchi, Christ Church of Oak Brooks, Ill.

 

 

Questions?

Contact me through this site or @

 

Frank Walker LMFT

#79757

1617 Main Street

Cambria, Ca. 93428

fjwalker.walker@gmail.com

 

Parenting: Electronic Manners Part 3

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Electronic manners

We now have all these gadgets that keep us moving along. E-mail, texting, Facebook, etc, etc.

It’s all about being in contact 24/7. But sometimes when we get an email or text we get confused and frustrated. We don’t understand why the text was sent or what the senders are even trying to say.

Mis-communication happens all the time. Have you ever sent a text and out it went and oops, “I didn’t mean that”?  But it’s gone out to the world. So much of our intent is lost with our gadget messaging.

So here are some ideas for manners on our devices. These are great ideas that you should take to heart before during and after you text, email, pin or whatever you do on your devices.

 

3. Make time for real conversation.

Sorry but life is all about human contact. Texting is quick and easy but it will never be the same as that good old being in the same room and talking kind of thing.

It’s easy to ignore people or brush them off on-line.

You don’t want that to happen to you so don’t do it to others. It’s that golden rule stuff.

 

Adapted from Tracey Bianchi, Christ Church of Oak Brooks, Ill.

 

Questions?

Contact me through this site or @

 

Frank Walker LMFT

#79757

1617 Main Street

Cambria, Ca. 93428

fjwalker.walker@gmail.com

 

Parenting: Electronic Manners Part 2

View More: http://deathtothestockphoto.pass.us/brick-and-mortar

 

Electronic manners

We now have all these gadgets that keep us moving along. E-mail, texting, Facebook, etc, etc.

It’s all about being in contact 24/7. But sometimes when we get an email or text we get confused and frustrated. We don’t understand why the text was sent or what the senders are even trying to say.

Miscommunication happens all the time. Have you ever sent a text and out it went and oops, “I didn’t mean that”?  But it’s gone out to the world. So much of our intent is lost with our gadget messaging.

So here are some ideas for manners on our devices. These are great ideas that you should take to heart before during and after you text, email, pin or whatever you do on your devices.

 

Try not to respond in anger.

 

2. If you are mad or angered don’t blow up on-line. Online is not the best way to respond when feelings are involved.

The best thing you can do if there is a relationship problem is to get some face to face time. Why? Because you can really see what a person is trying to say in person. There is no guessing or interpreting involved.

The next best thing is to talk on the phone. But face to face is the best way to deal with emotional stuff, really.

Adapted from Tracey Bianchi, Christ Church of Oak Brooks, Ill.

Questions?

Contact me through this site or @

 

Frank Walker LMFT

#79757

1617 Main Street

Cambria, Ca. 93428

fjwalker.walker@gmail.com